so . . i had to fix my first security hole ever a few days ago. it kinda sucked, but no actual sensitive data was gleaned from it. nice to know that the l33t d00dz are out there keeping me on my toes. it's weird, i've had a lot on my plate lately. i've had a ton of stuff i've been doing, but . . i don't really feel like anything is being done. it feels like i've been standing a foot infront of a jumbotron, watching sped-up time-lapse photography from the cockpit of a plane. all this stuff passing by at incredible speeds, and i'm only getting a tiny view of it. all this stuff going on and i'm not really involved or paying attention to it, i'm just living. i mean, sure, i'm doing stuff, but i'm not really doing stuff. its tough to explain, probably because all it does is leave me feeling confused, and like i've been doing a wonderful job of wasting my life. [08.08.03@15:33]

much can change in ten days. i'm now doing so much that i'm having trouble finding time for everthing i'm trying to do. this really scares me, because i can't remember the last time i've really had to do a good job of budgeting my time. currently on my plate:

• two major projects. one is actual work, and the other is soul-crushingly huge.
• one ongoing project. usually not a problem, but it seems there's something to do with it every other day. and for some unknown reason, it has to be done RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.
• three projects up-in-the-air. one hasn't been arranged, one hasn't been given the go-ahead, and one hasn't started because i've been too busy with everything else. none have been started, they're just tenative plans. but they're all things i could start pretty much immediately.
• one game i'd really like to spend some time with, but alas, there is no time to spend.
• the looming date of the 25th.

of all these, the only things i've been working on are the soul-crushingly huge project and the game, mario golf. somehow, i've been trudging along on the large project by, well, by actually enjoying it. its huge, i've got a rapidly approaching deadline, but it's the only thing right now thats productive and that i actually want to do. it pains me because it's not one of the things i need to do, but instead one of those damned side-projects that i just can't stop messing with. i've managed to make it not as huge as it could be, though, by condensing it into three distinct phases. and i've got my team of people to help, so my involvement with the first phase is nearly over. but the stuff that follows is . . very daunting. i kinda don't want to finish the first phase because the second is so . . awful. but i know i have to do it, i just have to suck it up and move forward.

but right now i have to put that all on the backburner for a day or so, since the other major project has a deadline on wednesday. sure, i could let it slip for a bit, but this is a source of very-helpful income, and i just absolutely need to get it done. but . . sleep. i've got just over 50 hrs to do about two weeks worth of data entry, and i've not properly slept for about three days. and it's all old code. old code i'm kinda afraid of messing with, because old code can get kinda weird. but i just . . really need to get to it. but i'm so tired. and i just know that if i try to sleep now, i'll end up with one of two things happening. either i'll pass out for 12 hrs, and shave a smooth 25% of the time i have to work on this stuff in, or i'll only make it ~4 hrs, and wake up due to panic or some other bullshit coming up, which'll leave me even more screwed.

i think i'll just go with a day or two of no sleep. i've got about two gallons worth of code red here, and i've got a full bottle of excedrin. i should be fine. [08.18.03@03:17]

GOALS FOR TODAY

1. finish project 1
2. launch project 1
3. pay for classes
4. send a somewhat disgruntled e-mail to lucasarts public relations
5. call interserver and vent like mad
6. sleep for many many many hours

hopefully in that order. [08.22.03@06:52]

i never get things like that right. it ended up going 1 -> half of 6 -> 3 -> 5 -> 2 -> 4 -> hopefully more of 6.

i need as much of 6 as humanly possible after all that. [08.22.03@19:46]

i can see mars from my livingroom. that's pretty neat. i really didn't expect it to be anywhere near this bright. but, yeah. :cool:. [08.26.03@23:20]