i've been very retrospective in the past few hours here. i've gone through lots of the stuff i have hiding in my vast /text_archive directory, and i've been talking, and i've been thinking. overall, i've realized that i'm truly doing much better now than i have been in recent history. sure, i still get depressed, but not horribly depressed. i think its because of the levels of apathy i've grown accustomed to. the worst i've felt lately was friday when i realized how blatantly i was used, and hey - i got over that *real fast*. i just had to go buy stuff. which i did. so now i feel better.

and hey, i'm actually going to go to an event! oh no! the horror! and i'm going to compete in something! oh no! who is driving?! how can this be!? essentially, on wednesday theres going to be a mario kart 64 tournament in the common over in fox, the common being the mini-arcade in the extra-large residence hall across the street. so. yeah. i'm going to do this, do well, and its all going to be to fuel my urges to buy more games to occupy my time with. and i have class in 12 hrs, so its time to fall over and have more deranged ico-related dreams. [10.02.01@03:04]

i finally got around to moving some stuff over to mr d drive. so. yeh. mr list is updated. now, i have sleep to be getting to, so i'll be well rested for my important tournament tomorrow. [10.03.01@01:29]

i've had some mild issues to deal with over the past few days. feelings of inadequacy, constant illness, and the urge to get things moving. it appears i'm over all of those. i've also got new projects.

over the summer, sean and i decided we were going to overthrow [or at least just join] the uml anime club. well. when we got here we quickly realized its nonexistance. so i figured i'd only be involved if there was a server involved. well. final tests two days ago proved that a server would work *incredibly well* here, so we're getting that set up tomorrow. havent determined a name for it yet. it'll either be tang, caspar3, or atomsk. i'm hoping for tang. ^_^

so anyways, today we went up to try and find out who is technically in charge of the club, and i got to meet a few of the guys in the gaming club. nice people, shame its mostly rpg'ing, what i'm not really all that interested in. i know i've done some rp'ing in the past, but its been so long. and i don't want to get dragged back in. we spoke to one of the head guys of the gaming club, and he said that the anime club room *should* be open already. so we wandered down and met melissa, who really shouldnt be there. i believe she was watching dragon slayer, and i wasnt really up for asking many questions. i felt like quietly listening, and sucking up information, one of the things i can do well if i really want to.

we got a rather short history of the anime club. apparently back in the dark ages, it was merged with the gaming club. or - moreso - was a sub-sect of the gaming club. in 1999, someone who has only been identified to me as "jen" decided she would break off the anime club into its own entity. she finally accomplished this in spring 1999, and did everything herself. she then graduated in summer 1999 and the club died then. or at least, the club *technically* died then.

for the past few years, all anime-related stuff from the gaming club has found its way into a happy iccle room. its got a tv, a vcr, a mysteriously stocked fridge, and a rather nice but small anime/manga collection. oh, and couches! apparently they had a dvd player too, but it died very recently. they've also got an lcd projector, which is *nice* because it means if we get a pcmcia card with video out on it, we can get fansubbed stuff kicking on a big-big-big screen.

another useful little bit of information we picked up from melissa was regarding how the club *should* be set up. we need five positions, president, vice president, sgt. at arms, secretary, and treasurer. we can fill those pretty much instantly. from there we need 20 members. this shouldn't be impossible. if we advertise the club, people will come. hell, we might have 10 people just through word of mouth at our unofficial meeting on wednesday. as for events, we can rather easily get several events queued up. sean has several weeks worth of stuff we could watch *on hand*. i'm not sure how much we'd watch at a time, but hey - it'd be something. once we get the server running we'd have a much wider selection. including digi charat, FLCL, evangelion, love hina, noir [bleh!!!], dual, etc. lots of stuff. and all the stuff we'd be inheriting from the prior clubs, too.

we just have to get there. though, its happening *real soon now*. like, we hope to have the club in full-swing before winter break. its fun. its something to keep me busy. and hey! if we get our 25 members, a big fuck-off hard drive would only cost us $10 per person! aces! [10.08.01@03:50]

i. urm. i think i mentioned this a bit earlier, but its just now sinking in. i realized that i truly have very little reccolection of the past year. only after re-reading through my archive of 2000 and 2001 can i start to put it all back together. it still has giant holes in it, though. it really was a confusing year. it saw some of the best and worst events of my life. my memory is a short collection of both, which was even shorter and more vague prior to reading through the archives. before reading, it wasnt even actual events, it was just overall feelings. pain. suffering. completion. loss. gain. realization. creation. death. rebirth. continuation. after reading through, i can focus each of these feelings into specific events. specific times. in actual orders. before all this, it felt like my memory of the past year was little more than a barely-lit path through darkness. though, now its just the same path, but with spotlights on. so the bad and the good are all shown with perfect clarity. the worse part here is that these downs weren't my usual kind. they were actual things that would fuck up most anyone, but the good points gave me things to truly be proud of. as for now, i need to get some sleep. my recent illness resulted in me getting on a really weird sleeping schedule once again, which was not aided by my roommates staying up till 0500 yesterday morning. i'm feeling better now, just need to drink some more orange juice, and rest my voice a bit more. later today i'll probably get the anime club's site designed. won't be able to actually get the server running, unless i find mike down in the basement, and he feels like helping me compile php -_-;;. so. ugh. yeah. time to fall over for a bit now. [10.14.01@03:18]

this is my place. [10.21.01@01:32]

i've been having a mild return of my patented ib ulcer as of late, but now that i've got less to worry about, it appears to be subsiding again. in any account, due to all this worry, i've been up stupid amounts of hours, and to keep myself busy, i decided to learn how to deal with fontographer. so out popped these, three fonts i've been meaning to do for ages now, finally realized through the wonder of fontographer - quite possibly the most expensive program i know of per byte.

so, we've got fonts 22-24. font #22 is "secret herb", a font taken pretty much directly from the wonderful game earthbound, which i've determined NONE of you have played. plain and simple. if you're reading this, theres nearly a 97% chance that you've either never played the game, or never gotten past the happy-happyists. so yeah. its one of those fonts that simply should never be used on anything ever. like revenge of zany, but less lumpy.

then we've got font #23, 8 bit revival. if you were awake in the 80's, then you are probably already rather familiar with this font. its the default system font for the NES, and variations of it are used on several other systems. i've ported it directly from the NES. it only really likes multiples of 8, and has a very limited character set.

finally, today's creation, font #24. kibbles 'n blix. kibbles 'n blix is a fun little font. 2x3 clusters of pixels, lines running through them, etc. the font this was based off of theoretically has two cases, but i dont know where to find enough source, so mine doesnt. this is another of those fonts that i've had the stuff sitting around for it for, well, over a year. i spent *days* trying to get this to come out right, and with the magic of fontographer, from start to finish it was around 2 hours. iirc, it likes multiples of 12 for font sizes, but looks decent in most large sizes.

now that i've had a chance to familiarize myself with fontographer, i'm considering going through all my fonts and tweaking them abit. tagging all of them, messing with the kerning, adding new readmes, etc. i'm also considering launching fonts.skizzers.org, so i don't have to keep redesigning the page. anyways, this'll probably be a weekend project, unless akaishi really gets things figured out on igloo's server, so i can get his php script working. in the meantime, all my fonts are hiding in /inpheaux/fonts. [10.25.01@04:43]

so i'm running xp now. xp truly is the easiest install i've done in a very long time. such an upgrade from win98, too. i mean, i've been using 98 since dusty sent me the cd, and i liked it for the most part. but with xp its different. when i installed 98, i had to be prepared. i had to have everything ready to go, and prepare for the worst. worst being things like "windows recognizes none of your hardware, including your nic. i hope you had the drivers on cd.", which i have had happen before. this is how i prepared for xp. then i realized it wasn't needed. the install process consisted of putting the cd in, hitting go, and taking an hour long nap. configured everything perfectly. it took 20 minutes to get it looking how i like it, and running litestep, whereas usually it would take *much more effort*.

i've also found xp to be much more stable. so far i havent had ram usage drop below 50%, and while idling, the free ram actually goes *up*. it loves litestep for the most part. only disallowing me to do one thing, map win+l to about, because its hard-coded into xp that win+l means lock system. or not really lock system. more like *nix's SU command. anyways, very few things stopped working. i've got the list of software up to conquercam, asusprobe, windowblinds, and blackice now. to my knowledge, blackice and asusprobe have updates, i just havent had time to get them. windowblinds is currently working on their new version, which will essentially let me convert my old windowblinds theme to a straight out windows theme. so i wont even have to run windowblinds anymore. cause i'll be directly skinning windows without needed a facilitating program.

as for hardware, the only thing i don't have drivers for yet is my cam, and creative says they'll have drivers out in the middle of november . . so . . yeah. kinnah sucks. [10.31.01@11:27]